Doctor Who and the X-Men: The Rewrite of the Original, or The Director’s Cut, part 1

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Original Version was Published on 24th December 1995 in THE SCROLLS OF GALLIFREY, a DOCTOR WHO FANZINE (FOURTH ISSUE)

A sequel of sorts to KINDA (1980’s Doctor Who episode with the 5th Doctor)

I wrote a sequel to this story starring the 5th Doctor Who and the Movie X-Men (Doctor Who and the X-Men: Version II) this time.
Following that I rewrote the original story as follows. It is now a different spin and take on the story, with the added guests of the Sliders and Hindle, and it happens during the Maximum Security events of 2000. It kick starts the WhoSliders series of fanfics.

I also noted that the quantum concept of the universe’s equivalent to the undefined or impossible state of logic, is actually a real one. When I had written it originally I did not know that, and just wrote it in because it seemed ‘logical’ and fitting with the story.
The original form of this story has been MiSTed with permission by Tyler Dion, the MiSTed story won a cambot award.
MST3K was a popular tv show in America based on parody. Since I can’t get in contact with the MSTer, and I wanted to fan MST the MiST version, the MiST version has been MiSTed unofficially here (I did attempt to contact Tyler, but his email bounced) in an original way. This type of story is called a Meta-Misting. This is my first MiSTing, I hope you enjoy it, please do not be offended.

Story (C) 1995-2016 Mr Scirev.
Original MiSTing parts by Tyler Dion, some taken literally, some have been altered significantly and more have been added. Keep in mind that I have never seen this show as it has never been broadcast locally or on any tv station I can view. A version of this metamist was posted on perhaps.

UPDATED: page now split in parts due to some one slashdotting this page through Google’s WAP gateway with his Nokia phone.

Dr Who Timeline Related to this Fanfic:
500 years ago: Mara ‘destroyed’ on Manussa by Sumaran Empire, Legend of Return of Mara established
Present time: Kinda (on Deva Loka, Mara physically destroyed by the Doctor)
Doctor Who and The X-Men (The Director’s Cut) (occurs after: The Visitation)
Doctor Who and The X-Men II (occurs after the episode Snakedance)

Doctor Who and the X-Men by Mr Scirev

MiST Prelude

Mike Nelson – host of the show, he was a hapless temp shot into space.
Crow T. Robot – companion of Mike, he’s hopelessly in love with Kim Cattrall.
Tom Servo – the intellectual, he enjoys graphic novels and a good Swiss mint.
Doctor Clayton Forrester – the mad scientist who’s evil experiment of shooting a man into space and forcing him to watch/read bad movies/Internet posts this is.
TV’s Frank – once a Junior Steak Boy at Arby’s, Frank is the unappreciated assistant of Doctor Forrester.

[Season 6 opening (Yes, Season 6)]
[Satellite of Love. Tom, a gumball machine on a Tupperware hoverskirt, and Crow, a gold spidery thingy with a lacrosse wicket for a head, are behind the desk. Mike, the average Joe, is missing.]
Crow: Listen up, Servo! “Brady Girls Get Married” was *the
definitive Brady movie!
Tom: You’ve got it all wrong, Crow. “A Very Brady Sequel” was the best.
Crow: I suppose you’re going to say next that “A Brady Christmas” is the definitive Christmas movie?
[In the background, Joel walks by from the left.]
Joel: Hey, guys.
‘Bots: Hey, Joel.
[Joel exits to the right. A few moments later, Mike walks in from the right.]
Mike: Guys, who was that?
‘Bots: Who was who?
[Commercial light flashes]
Mike: Never mind, we’ve got commercial sign. [He taps the button.]
[Commercials: Coming soon.. the sequel to Doctor Who and the X-Men!]
Mike: Look, just tell me, who was that?
‘Bots: Who was who?
[Mads light flashes]
Mike: Oh, just, oh, never mind. Benton and Yates are calling.

[Deep 13. The whole place is covered in circuit boards and magnetic computer tape. Doctor Forrester is up to his knees in motherboards.]
Dr F: [Looks up and sees the SOL crew on the monitor] Ah, Holly, Rimmer, Cat, Lister and
Kryten, how good of you to answer. I’m just doing a little, ah, cleaning. Frank should have been helping, I wonder where he is now…

Frank: [enters the room] Doctor? Doctor, what have you done???

Dr F: Nothing, I’m just spring cleaning! [Throws away another circuit board] We can use this in the Christmas crib by melting it a little.
We don’t need it.
Frank: [confused] What? What was it?
Dr. F: Well, as I was saying, I’m doing a little clean out. You know, throw
away all that useless stuff I don’t need anymore. For example, see
that pile over there? [He points to a heap of circuit boards in the
back] That was the guidance computer we used to get the Satellite
into space. [Grins evilly] And, of course, we don’t need it anymore, so
I’m chucking it!

Meanwhile further down the corridor a swoorving sound is barely audible. It is the sound of the Einstein-Rosenberg Bridge Vortex, and three men and a woman exit from something which looks like a brightly shining whirlpool in thin air. One of them, Quinn, has a remote control in his hand. Professor Arturo is sensibly worried, this is an unusual location for them. It could be dangerous.

Quinn: Wade, where are we?
Wade: This looks like a space station.
Professor: Who are those folks down there?
Remmy: I don’t know. Let’s try and listen to see where we are.

Crow: Hey! You said you would let us get down some day!
Tom: How’re you gonna do that without a guidance computer?
Mike: Especially when we can’t pilot the satellite ourselves!

Professor: So this is a satellite! Quinn, how much time do we have?
Quinn: Fifteen minutes only to the next Slide!

[Deep 13]
Dr F: [startled] Aaah! No, the experiment! Wait, Mike, wait! I was only joking, you know, a joke. Heh…heh. No, it was only a joke. That wasn’t the guidance computer. Nooooo, no, no, that was the, ah, squaredance computer, yeah! You must have misheard me. Heh.

[SOL. Mike looks towards Dr F]
Mike: [suspicious] Really? We can still get down?

[Deep 13. Dr. F’s visibly sweating.]
Dr F: Of course, of course. [Chuckles weakly] Do you think I, of all people, would trap an innocent man on a rackety old satellite millions of miles from home with no way off? How evil do you think I am?
Remmy: This sounds like how I started sliding with you guys. I was driving on to hold my first big concert and I ended up Sliding through parallel universes.
[Deep 13]
Frank: [weak] But, Steve, earlier you said that was the guidance computer, and that before he ever got down he would have to go to He –
Dr F: [kicks Frank] Shut up, Frank.
Frank: [quiet] I’ll be good.
Dr F: Well, now that’s out of the way, Mike, let’s go straight to the experiment, shall we? Today’s troglodytic treat is entitled “Doctor Who and the X-Men.” Let me give a hint as to the horrors ahead: the author, Mr Scirev, has his own version of just who the X-Traitor
is. [Smirks evilly] Bon appetit!
Author: Don’t confuse things. Everyone knows who the X-Traitor was. This is principally a sequel to Doctor Who’s Kinda episode.
Wade: What? What’s this?
Remmy: Don’t ask me. I’m as confused as you are.

[Lights flash.]
All except the four Sliders: WE HAVE FANFIC SIGN!!!
(Dr F and Frank enter the theatre)
Professor: Perhaps this is some new cinema? Internet fan fiction perhaps?
Quinn: On that screen is a sign which reads Internet fanfic theatre. Great!
Wade: So on this world they actually watch Internet fanfics in cinemas?
Remmy: And fanfics from other dimensions it would seem, from what we’ve heard.
[Mike and Co. enter the theatre]

Doctor Who and the X-Men by Mr Scirev
Mike: Gee, look at that, no headers or nothing. The Mads must editing the
‘fics now.
Tom: Nah, that just means someone actually archived this.
All except the Sliders: [collective shudder]
Part 1.

The Doctor was worried.

Extremely worried.

(Back in the SOL)
Tom: He hadn’t been worried for a good five minutes. He found that
Mike: Huh, a Doctor that’s worried. I guess we all know who that is.
Crow: Who?
Mike: Peter Davison’s version.

(Hidden, yet watching also, are the four Sliders)
Quinn: Peter Davison played the fifth Doctor Who. It was one of my favourite television programmes. It still is.
Remmy: Great. But these three guys, do you know them?
Quinn: They weren’t in Doctor Who, for sure.
Wade: I think MST3K was some US television show. Didn’t really watch it, myself.
Arturo: I wonder how they would MiSTify us… Must be terrible!
(Back in the TARDIS)

He was looking for the X-Men and he had found them. The TARDIS materialised in the centre of the X-Men Institute Grounds, resulting in a number of security systems being triggered.
(Back in the SOL)
Tom: [announcer’s voice] Here at the luxurious X-Men Institute Grounds you will find all your favorite sports: tennis, golf, and, of course, being attacked!

(Back in the TARDIS)
“Doctor, we’re being attacked!” screamed Tegan.

Beam pulses were being fired at the TARDIS, the Doctor had barely the time to dematerialise the TARDIS again. It disappeared into nothing, making some of the on-looking mutants wonder what it really was.

“No need to panic, calm down Tegan” The Doctor had miscalculated the materialisation point resulting in the TARDIS materialising inside the Institute Grounds rather than just outside in the streets.

A small distance away from where the TARDIS was, Shadowcat had been playing baseball with some of the other X-Men. “What was that? I think we’d better go inside and see if Cerebro can give us a clear identification.”
Crow: Yeah, better make sure that disappearing police box was really a police box.
Kitty, also known as Shadowcat, continued “The security systems detected various particles such as bosons, chronons and huons, indicating a temporal incursion event.”

The Doctor punched some keys on the central Console, and plotted a path towards a street not too far from the Mansion.
(Back in the SOL)
Mike: [Picard] Mr. Who, engage.
Tom: What happened to the fact the Doctor couldn’t steer the thing?
Crow: Oh, it’s in the closet right next to the HADS and his “Brain of Morbius” lives.
Tom: Hello Professor Picard, how are your X-Men students today? (clever reference to the 1st X-Men movie starring Patrick Stewart)
Arturo: You idiots, of course he can pilot it locally.
Quinn: Course he did. Didn’t you ever see “Logopolis” in the classic series? He can pilot it well in the same timezone. And he used the HADS in “Cold War”.
Tom: Who are you? I don’t think you were in the original fanfic.
Author: This is the Director’s Cut.
Mike: What?
Author: This is the MiST version MSTed. A Meta-MiST. Now the 2016 version.
Wade: Kind of MST2 or MST squared.
Tom: Thought that was Q2. Sorry, wrong universe.

(Back in the TARDIS, closeup on the Doctor)
His mind went back to some days ago when he had materialised back on Earth, with the difference that this Earth was in a nearby dimension.

Continued in Part 2
All Marks are owned by their owners. Doctor Who, Hindle, The Mara is the BBC’s
The Sliders are Fox/Universal/St. Clare Entertainment/Sci-Fi Channel’s
Colonel Rickman is Universal Studio/St. Clare Entertainment’s
Red Dwarf characters are Rob Grant/Doug Naylor/Grant Naylor Productions’
MST3K to Best Brains, the X-Men and Excalibur belong to Marvel Entertainment Group.
Il-Kaptan ( Kaptan Brittanniku ) is owned by myself because I made him up.