Doctor Who and the X-Men: The Director’s Cut fanfic – Part 7

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Back to part 6

Part 7.

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: [singing] Hope there ain’t eleven.
Author: There are twelve! Doctors, that is. Actually 13, as there’s the War Doctor, and also Ten.

The Doctor’s Diary

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: Now airing on Sky One! Also on Canal Jimmy, TVM2 and Rai Due!

I took a deep breath when I arrived at the TARDIS doors.

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: And held it. And held it. And held it…

Crow: ‘Til I finally passed out and the fanfic ended!
I turned slowly and looked towards the unbelieving mutants. I unlocked the doors, opened them and went inside.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: It’s more Ratliff!

All: Aaaaah!!

“Well, won’t you follow me, come in!” I told the X-Men.

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: How can he tell them if he’s inside?

Crow: Does it really matter?

Mike: Well…no.

The TARDIS doors were open, so they could hear me.

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: I see.

I had told the Sliders, Hindle and my companions Nyssa, Tegan and Adric to stay at the mansion
while I showed the X-Men my TARDIS.

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: [stern] Bad companions! Go home!

Xavier, Thunderbird and Gambit were the first to move. “Astonishing!” was Xavier’s first reaction. Thunderbird and Gambit were speechless.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: No real change from their normal characters, then.

Jean Grey and Cerise entered next. “It does seem larger inside, actually.” commented the telepath. “I’ve never seen anything similar within the Shi’ar Empire.” Cerise remarked. The Doctor explained, “you see if you have two items of varying size, then you take the larger item, and get it closer to you, it would seem smaller than the other one, wouldn’t it?”

Cerise commented that this was obvious. The Doctor then said, “now if you could keep them apart but put them one in the other, the larger item would simply fit within the smaller one!”. Cerise looked confused at the Doctor. “That simply does not compute, or however humans say that.” The Doctor remarked, ‘this “non-computation” has been the most important advancement of Time Lord science’.

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: [Jean, bored] Oh, hmm. My hair appears to be on fire.

Beast was extremely interested in hearing about this theory, while Rogue, Psylocke and Bishop stepped inside and looked around themselves.

“The room is definitely larger than the exterior. And beyond that open door,
I can see other rooms, a long corridor with doors and corridors from some of those open doors. Large corridors. This is not possible.” said Bishop.

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: You’re right. You’re all standing in an impossibility. That’s it,
everyone’s dead.
Mike: How can Bishop see through the walls?

Author: Bishop was looking through the open door.

“It is possible.” I corrected him.

“This is illogical actually.” Bishop kept muttering.

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: [Bishop, muttering] Lousy, no-good, illogical teletubbies. I’ll make ’em all pay. Just you wait, idiot.

“You’ve got a lot to unlearn. They all find it hard to understand,”

I mumbled under my breath. Well.

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: They mumble in this ‘fic an awful lot, don’t they?
Crow: Must be former postal workers.

“Hm, what did you say?” enquired a confused Bishop.

“Nothing. Nothing important.” I replied, thinking and hoping this experience wouldn’t unhinge Bishop’s mind.

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: [Doctor, breezily] Just planning how to kill you, that’s all.

“Let me show you around the TARDIS” I said then.

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: That’ll take eight or nine years.

“The place is huge, I will just show a few of the main rooms and corridors.”

“All right. This ship of yours is extremely interesting.” replied the

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: [Professor] I could’ve have done it with coconuts, you know. What do

you think of that?

I took the X-Men to a number of different rooms, until I reached a
circular room which had a reflective surface.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: He doesn’t even know his own TARDIS, how’s he supposed to be able to fly the thing?

Crow: He can’t, at least, he isn’t supposed to be able to. Scirev’s forgotten,
that’s all.

Tom: You mean you *hope* that’s all.

“While I may not be able to control my TARDIS navigation with 100% precision,
that does not mean I have NO control. It’s more of an 80% precision.

To avoid an evil enemy known as the Black Guardian, some time ago I had to use a Randomiser device linked to the TARDIS’s navigation circuits. I had to remove it some time ago on the planet Argolis. With the randomiser I would have no control on where the TARDIS would go, and avoid the Guardian.” I further explained.

Suddenly to everyone’s astonishment, there was a strange reaction.

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: Must be a cut scene from “Chain Reaction.”

“No… Get that mirror away….” Gambit shouted!

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: Scirev’s really getting into this story, accentuating statements and what not.

Tom: [Gambit] I’ve got acne!

“What’s going on?” asked Rogue. Gambit’s eyes glowed a fiery red.

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: He drank the Acme Tabasco Sauce!

Crow: Watch out for the flames shooting from his ears!

“I…. must…. not…. be…discovered…” muttered Gambit.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: [Gambit] I must…be like…Shatner…

Xavier attempted to use his telepathic abilities to read Gambit’s mind

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: So much for Xavier’s morals.

in an attempt to see what had happened to him and to calm him down.

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: That’s ok then. Almost had me worried.

To his astonishment his mind was different, almost alien, indecipherable.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: He must be scanning Pauly Shore’s mind.

Crow: Britney Spears boobs – she actually wants to get breast implants, I heard.

Mike: Oops, I Did It Again.

“So it is you!” I told Gambit.

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: [Doctor] You ate the last Pop Tart!

Mike: He ate Britney?

“What have you been hiding more from us? First we find out you were involved in the deaths of the morlocks, what now?” screamed a viciously angry Bishop.
Bishop pointed his large weapon at Gambit.

(Back in the SOL)

All: [snickering]

“The parasitic form of the Mara is controlling him!” I claimed pointing to Gambit.
“No, Bishop, do not shoot him. You will kill both of them!”
This parasitic form was known as the Gou’ald by some humans of a team called Stargate SG-1.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: And why, pray tell, is this a bad thing?

I then said “Look at his arm, it has the sign of the Mara, the snake!”.

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: Watch out! All of Hell’s Angels are Mara, too!

“You can see that it is not a tattoo, watch what is happening to it!” I said.

The snake was released from his arm, because of the circular reflection, and it started hissing.

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: If only rashes came off that easily.

“That is the form of the Mara in this world” I explained calmly.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: [Doctor] We’re going to die now, so we may as well be calm about the whole thing now.

It lashed its fangs out at me “….you have not defeated me Doctor…we shall meet again later…”

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: [Mara] Yes…we shall meet again…somewhere…someday…in some way

or fashion…Oh, cripes. Look, I’m going to start again.

it said while it kept growing in size, similar to what had happened on Deva Loka.

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: And twice as cheesy!

Mike: These rice twistees are great!

When it grew to a very large size, it disappeared in a flash of red
light. “It has left this mode of existence again.” I stated.
Gambit was lying on the floor. He was muttering nonsense. In a few
moments he came to and looked at me.
“Who..Who are YOU?” he said. “I don’t remember you. Where am I? How did I get here?” he asked.

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: [Arch Hall Jr.] Where am I? Who am I? What am I looking for?

“I am the Doctor. You are in my TARDIS. I met you X-Men today, do you remember that?”

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: The Doctor‘s gotten awfully impersonal in this story, hasn’t he?

“No. I remember the alarms ringing, and leaving the Mansion. The rest is a blank.” Gambit replied.

“It’s a long story, and frankly time is something we are short of.”

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: Now it’s an NA!

Continued in part 8

All Marks are owned by their owners.

Doctor Who, Hindle, The Mara is the BBC’s

The Sliders are Fox/Universal/St. Clare Entertainment/Sci-Fi Channel’s

Colonel Rickman is Universal Studio/St. Clare Entertainment’s

Red Dwarf characters are Rob Grant/Doug Naylor/Grant Naylor Productions’

MST3K to Best Brains, the X-Men and Excalibur belong to Marvel Entertainment Group.

Il-Kaptan ( Kaptan Brittanniku ) is owned by myself because I made him up.