Doctor Who and the X-Men: The Rewrite of the Original, or The Director’s Cut – Part 3

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Part 3.

(Back in the SOL)
All: [singing] Watch out for that tree!

(PU, a couple of minutes back) Tegan exclaimed “Oh my God, that’s the Mara which had taken control of me, way back on Deva Loka!
Doctor, please don’t let it take control of me again!”
(Back in the SOL)
Crow: [Tegan] It might give me a personality or angst or something!

Nyssa said “calm down Tegan, the Doctor will find a way, you know he always does.”
(Back in the SOL)
Mike: Funny how most of his solutions rarely work until he kicks the

“Doctor, what do we do now?” asked a young Adric.
(Back in the SOL)
Crow: How many are there?
Tom: [Minnewegan] Oh, they come six-packs, donchaknow.
All: [shudder]

“I don’t know” replied the Doctor promptly.
(Back in the SOL)
Crow: And then promptly died.

“You mean you don’t have a plan?” Adric was getting worried.
(Back in the SOL)
Tom: [Doctor] No, I just thought I’d wing it at the last minute.

“I’m thinking, shut up lad, let me think” was the Doctor’s reply.
(Back in the SOL)
Mike: What?! When did this turn into a William Hartnell serial?

The Doctor exclaimed “Adric, I had a device which could put Tegan into unconscious sleep. It
uses brainwave pulses to work. Go and find it please. Now, oh yes, that’s it! The woman outside the TARDIS is trapped in some sort of ice”.


(Knocking can be heard on the door. The Doctor opens the door by pulling a red lever.)
The Sliders and Hindle enter the TARDIS and are in the control room with the Doctor and his companions.

“Fancy seeing you again, Doctor. Deva Loka is currently stuck in a time-loop. We were trying to break out of it, and then I disappeared and found myself here.” Hindle remarked.
“Hmm. The ice can be shattered by very low frequencies and harmonics. Also, this situation must be solved once and for all. We can’t keep going on like this. That’s it. The Mara must be a parasitic being on one level at least.” the Doctor replied.
Meanwhile Adric came back, without having found the device.
“Yes, but we’ve got to do something to get out of here fast or we’re toast. Also, we are probably being watched by some guys in a Satellite, three of them at least are called Tom, Mike and Crow.” Quinn said, looking quite nervous.
(Back in the SOL)
Tom: He was worried. Very worried! Like the Doc!
Mike: Shut up, tom! You know these Sliders have inspired me. Perhaps I’ll
come up with a device that would allow us to travel to parallel universes!
Crow: How could you know how to make such a silly thing?
Mike: I don’t. I just thought I would try. Wait a second, they’ve mentioned US???
Tom: Oh – it was the Sliders guys. Now the Doctor knows about us.
“These guys – as you called them – seem to have nothing to do except watch what we are going through, as if we were fiction. In fact in their reality or universe, we are fictitious characters written by real people. But to know they are commenting on everything that happens to us, making our life a living parody, well that’s inexcusable.” the Doctor sounded very serious now. “But these watchers are not our main priority right now, we have much more serious concerns.”
(Back in the SOL)
Tom: I’m glad we’re not a priority!
Crow: Can he get here?
Mike: Of course he can, if he can pilot the TARDIS to here.
(PU) The Doctor said: “I know what you were thinking, Hindle. No, that Mara isn’t Aris.” Aris was one of the natives on Deva Loka, who was controlled by the Mara. His behaviour was quite arrogant, and the Mara made it worse.
(Back in the SOL)
Tom: He snapped at everyone!
Crow: What a temper he had.
“A way to neutralise both the Mara and the other creature, and simultaneously to break the ice prison might be the generation of a sound wave of a particular frequency which will neutralise their brainwave activity!” the Doctor said after finishing his reflection. “It should also help Tegan!”
“I will get my Didonian flute. That always breaks the ice!” the Doctor went to bring his flute from a container in a store room in the TARDIS. The Doctor remembered, many many years ago, as the first Doctor, an old man, he had been to the planet Dido,
(Back in the SOL)
Tom: One of the inhabitants has been to Earth and is a popular woman singer.
Crow: She sings with a heavenly voice.
Mike: She’s the voice on the rapper’s ‘Stan’ single and she did the theme song for ‘Roswell’!

when he had met a very peaceful and friendly race. They were so hospitable, unlike the planet itself, which was a very sandy and mountanous planet. The planet Dido is located in the system known as Wolf 359, well known for a certain battle with a warlike alien race in the future. They had given him the flute as a gift when he was going to leave them.
(Back in the SOL)
Crow and Mike: [Didonians] Woo-hoo! He’s outta here! Party! Party!

The Doctor could play the flute well. “Did I tell you I once played for the Roman Emperor Nero, in my first incarnation?” the Doctor asked his companions.

“Really?” asked Tegan. Suddenly her voice changed and she said “Wouldn’t you want to become like me?”…
(Back in the SOL)
Mike: [deep voice] No, not really.

Tegan’s voice changed back to normal as the Doctor played the flute.
The Doctor opened the external speakers of the TARDIS so that the sound of the flute would reach the external surroundings of the TARDIS.
Meanwhile the Sliders were brought up to date on the Mara, thanks to Tegan and Hindle. Nyssa was busy talking to Wade, who was still amazed at how the TARDIS was larger inside than it was outside. “TARDIS means Time and Relative Dimensions In Space, outside is actually a different dimension!” she explained. Quinn commented “Of course! It is a similar process to our Sliding, but far more advanced. Doctor, we need you to help us get back to our home universe. But we can’t specify its coordinates.”
“I will not be able to help you much in that case.” the Doctor replied quite bitterly
Quinn remarked “Surely you can help with our technology, the latter is not too great. Back to the present situation, we don’t know what the other creature is. Do you?”
“No, I’ve never met it” the Doctor noted.
The Doctor played the flute and everyone noticed, on the viewscreen, how the two creatures were temporarily disabled. The two fell down, completely immobile.
Also, the “ice” encasing Roma started shattering immediately and Roma was free again.
“What? We cannot move!” shouted the Adversary. “Annoying meddlers you have interfered, you will pay for this with your lives!”. The Mara was wailing in pain, and
(Back in the SOL)
Tom: [falsetto] I’ll get you meddling kids! And your little Alzarian too!

the Adversary was in a similar state, still unable to do anything but wail and shout, as a result of the sounds coming from the flute.
(Back in the SOL)
Mike: He should’ve just stuck to the recorder.

“Quickly now help us” said Quinn “We need you to open the doors of the TARDIS so that the woman can enter and we can Slide again. Our timer indicates we have only a couple of minutes left. Can you give us anything which might help us, such as a better timer?”
“I can upgrade its circuits for you, make it run faster and more realiably. I also could give you a spare sonic screwdriver. Also, I am going to give you a couple of old Moonbase Alpha panel circuits from the Space:1999 A-Space universe.
(Back in the SOL)
Crow: Well, that’s a handy little bit of information.
Tom: Is that the A-Team’s universe?
Author. No, see the WHO:1999 Crossover fanfic for details.

Meanwhile, the Doctor told the woman to enter the TARDIS.
(Back in the SOL)
Mike: No one will be seated during the gripping ‘Being-told-to-enter-the-
TARDIS’ scene!

“You! You who interfered with me in the past. Doctor you shall die!” shouted the Mara.
(Back in the SOL)
Tom: And that makes how many bad guys who have said that?
Crow: I stopped counting after the Black Guardian showed up.

Meanwhile the Adversary was recovering from the pain, and he exclaimed
“Meddler, you and those accursed X-Men who defeated me in the past, you shall all die!”
(Back in the SOL)
Crow: This would be the perfect role for Valentine Dyall, wouldn’t it?Valentine Dyall as the Black Guardian

The woman entered the TARDIS and explained how she was earlier fighting the Adversary and the Mara since she they were about to escape their imprisonment in the pocket universe. She was in no condition to continue the fight. “The Adversary”, she explained, “once managed almost to destroy Universe 616, which is the home universe of the X-Men who had fought the Adversary in the past.”the adversary

The Doctor asked her, “who are you, and where are you from?”
She replied “I am known as Roma, the Omniverse Guardian.”
(Back in the SOL)
Tom: From Noma!
Mike: Another Guardian? Besides the White and Black Guardians? From the Xbooks however?

“I had estimated the probabilities of their escape, that is why I quickly left my homeworld Otherworld to come here. I came together with two members of the Captain Britain superhero Corps. Unfortunately they died in the battle.” continued a tired Roma.Roma
(Back in the SOL)
Mike: Well, she can’t be that tired if she can say all that.

“Now the Adversary and the Mara have the Sliding technology, nothing will be able to stop them.”
The Doctor explained how the pocket universe basically served to keep the Mara from leaving. However, it was not enough strong to keep both the Adversary and the Mara from escaping together. In fact, a trace of the vortex energies created by the Sliding device or timer were still visible. The Mara and the Adversary noticed this and managed to escape through this narrow escape route. Quinn commented on how good it would be if they would encounter the Kromaggs, an evil ape-like race which evolved rather than humans, on a parallel Earth. “The Kromaggs too have the sliding technology”
(Back in the SOL)
Tom: That’s Planet of the Apes – the remake!

Roma explained how these travels through crosstime were affecting the various parallel universes. Wade asked her “If you call yourself ‘Guardian’, why can’t you just go and stop these guys yourself?”. Roma replied “Some people think I can do whatever I like as if I am a superbeing or even more than that. That’s plain wrong. I’m just an alien, from Otherworld, the daughter of Merlyn.”
The Doctor’s eyes looked confused, “Merlin?”.
“Yes, Merlyn is evil now. I could not fight the Adversary, with my Otherworld abilities and technology.” Roma answered.
(Back in the SOL)
Crow: Wasn’t Merlin the Doctor in Battlefield?
Mike: Could be.
Author: The Doctor was Merlin in the future and an alternative dimension. It probably is not the same Merlin, anyway. But the Doctor Who-Merlyn-Captain Britain-W.H.O. connection is interesting to explore.

“It is important that you find the XMen. It is vital that they help you fight the Adversary and the Mara. The organisation known as W.H.O. could have helped also, had it not been closed down.” pleaded Roma.
“W.H.O.?” all of them asked. “What’s W.H.O.?”
(Back in the SOL)
Crow: The World Health Organization can help Doctor Who.

“Weird Happenings Organisation handles things like alien invasions on the X-Men’s earth. It frequently worked with the European X-Men team known as Excalibur before it was disbanded.”
“The name is strange”, the Doctor said. “They’re fans of yours perhaps, Doc”, Tegan said jokingly.
(Back in the SOL)
Crow: Who meets W.H.O.?
Author: W.H.O. was invented by Alan Davis as a tribute to Doctor Who. He has also drawn a cover for a Marvel Doctor Who summer special comic book starring Colin Baker’s Doctor!

“W.H.O. was led by Brigadier Alysdale Stuart before she was killed by Jamie Braddock. Now it is lead by Alistaire Stuart.” Roma mentioned.
“Another Brigadier? This sounds really suspicious and warrants further investigation someday or another. This must be a parallel world form of UNIT. Our Brigadier Alistair Lethbridge-Stewart has a daughter called Kate, who would be Alysdale’s age approximately.” the Doctor commented.

The Doctor asked the Sliders, Roma and Hindle. “Who are these X-Men?” The Sliders and Hindle had no idea. Roma said they were mutant superheroes who had banded together under the guidance of a Professor Xavier, the world’s most powerful telepathic mutant. Professor X, as he was called, was bound to a wheelchair. Together with Nyssa, Tegan and Adric, the Doctor looked through the TARDIS logs, hoping to find some information. Then, eventually, he found the information on the X-Men. They existed within a parallel universe. “We will go to the X-Men”, the Doctor stated. “Ok, but we’ve got to leave now or we will remain here.” Quinn said. “You Sliders could come with us”, the Doctor said. “Usually when you don’t slide in time, you would remain trapped in the present parallel universe for twenty-nine years.” he continued.
“We knew that” Professor Arturo remarked. “Yes, indeed, however in the TARDIS you are outside of the normal sliding continuum, and the time limit does not count. Look at your timer, now, after I have upgraded it.” the Doctor examined the timer.
(Back in the SOL)
Tom: It’s now just an alarm clock!

The timer had stopped and was not counting down any more. “This means time is frozen in the TARDIS. You do not have to leave in a hurry. I suggest we keep working together.”

“The X-Men are living legends who where ready to give their lives to save this universe from the Adversary before.” the Doctor noted. Roma added “They had banished the Adversary, who was the other humanoid besides the Mara, from their reality, which is called parallel universe 616, forever. And he was trapped here in the Pocket Universe.”
“Where can we find them?” asked a puzzled Adric. Arturo said “This documentation mentions that they have a large Mansion within Westchester county. We should be able to find them there.”
(Back in the SOL)
Tom: And just how many counties are named Westchester?

Roma agreed and mentioned that she knew of the place.
Arturo asked Roma and the Doctor whether they could determine what was the unique number determining their own parallel universe. Roma said “That is not a problem. With this device I can determine your unique quantum signature.”
Roma scanned the Sliders with a small futuristic looking contraption. “Something is wrong. It is not settling down as it should.”
“Perhaps it is the effect of our Sliding technology.” Quinn commented.
“I do not think so”, the Doctor said. “Wait a second” He brought out a standard med-tricorder which he had found in one of his recent adventures, and (Back in the SOL)
Crow: That medical tricorder is owned by the Doctor of Voyager! Don’t tell me Who met Voyager?
Mike: The Doctor meets the Doctor.

proceeded to examine the Sliders. “Hmmm. this is interesting. Wade, within you there is a certain small canister of quite alien origin. Have you ever been abducted by any aliens?” the Doctor enquired.
(Back in the SOL)
Crow: This is becoming the X-Files!
Mike: The Doctor is mistaking Wade for Scully!

Wade was surprised and almost panicked. “Yes, once the Kromagg aliens captured us. But we managed to escape eventually.”
“They have been tracking you. Probably to determine your home universe.” the Doctor explained.
“What!” Quinn was astonished to here this news. “How long has it been in her?” he asked.
“It has been in Wade for a long time.” the Doctor replied. “We must remove it quickly, certainly before we get to Universe-616. We cannot risk allowing the Kromaggs to become aware of the X-Men’s universe.”
“Though the X-Men could help beat the Kromaggs”, Remmy commented. “That makes sense, but it makes more sense not to risk lives on Earth.” the Doctor said.
The Doctor proceeded to use some instruments which he had obtained from the far future, to remove the instrument lodged in Wade’s body, painlessly and without anaesthetic.
“That does it!” the Doctor said. “Now I will program this transmat device to transport their instrument very, very, far away to an inhospitable world within some other parallel universe.” The Doctor turned back to Roma and told her:
“Even if we could find the Adversary and the Mara, we cannot trap them anywhere permanently enough” the Doctor noted.
“You might not find him now. But you must inform the X-Men of what has happened, so that they might be prepared. I have to leave you now. I am needed in Otherworld, especially in the Starlight Citadel. Great trouble is brewing there. I have summoned Brian Braddock, Captain Britain to help me. It is up to you and the X-Men alone to defeat the Adversary, this time.” Roma said.
(Back in the SOL)
Tom: So…basically what she’s saying is that they’re going to risk their
lives to imprison two villains who are guaranteed to return?
Crow: Yeah, pretty much.
Tom: Hmm…sounds like a window for a sequel.
Author: Excalibur SWORD OF POWER# 1 is the trouble Roma is referring to. Brian Braddock is
having nightmares too!
Crow: Is it the Mara too?

“Hindle, will you come with us when we meet the X-Men?” asked Tegan.
“Yes, I will. Unless you can drop me off to Earth before, that is my Earth in our universe, or on one of the colonies in the future” he replied.
“We’ve got to solve this first, then we drop you off!” the Doctor said and promptly set the coordinates for Earth, in the X-Men’s universe. The TARDIS began to cross the boundaries of the hyperspace vortex. Roma said her goodbyes, pressed a button on her watch and promptly disappeared. Subsequently, the TARDIS dematerialised with the usual noise it makes…
(Back in the SOL)
Crow: They’re going to drop the crazy guy off into space!
Tom: And now we’re going to promptly disappear and dematerialise. Come on, Nelson.
[Mike picks up Tom and the three exit.]

[SOL Bridge. There are three photos on the desk, each of a different middle-aged man. Mike and the bots are each standing behind one.]
Mike: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight, we pay tribute to three
of “Doctor Who“‘s greatest recurrent supporting actors. I will begin
with a brief ode to Philip Madoc. [clears throat. Spotlight centers on
Mike and picture.]philip madoc
You tried to rule a galaxy
Later you said ‘It wasn’t me!’
You tried to rebuild ol’ Morbius
You gave him lungs from a guy named Gus
One last time you walked the boards
And played a water man out of his gourd.
Thank you.
[Spotlight moves to Crow]
Crow: Thank you, very much, Mike. And now my tribute to Pat Gorman.
[Crow now speaks in a rapping tone.]
You were the man with three eyes
In suit o’ rubber made by guys
After that, you were knocked out
By mean ol’ Lupton, who had the gout
Later still, at planet Zeos
You pushed the button, ad nasuseos!
[quietly] Thank you.
[Spotlight moves on to Tom]
Tom: And now, my twenty minute aria in memory of Colin Baker.Colin Baker
Mike: Uh, Tom? Colin Baker was a Doctor.
Tom: [surprised] Really? What makes you say that?
Mike: The fact he was in eight serials which listed him as ‘The Doctor.’
Tom: [disappointed] Oh. Darn.
Crow: Don’t worry about it, Tommy. After all…
[Buzzers and lights sound]
[All run away midst much hullabaloo]
[They enter the theatre]
Tom: [muttering] 30 nanoseconds of runtime down the datavore. I don’t
believe it. Could have been doing something interesting, but
*nooooo*, I had to compose a poem to a recurring non-supporting

Continued in part 4
All Marks are owned by their owners. Doctor Who, Hindle, The Mara is the BBC’s
The Sliders are Fox/Universal/St. Clare Entertainment/Sci-Fi Channel’s
Colonel Rickman is Universal Studio/St. Clare Entertainment’s
Red Dwarf characters are Rob Grant/Doug Naylor/Grant Naylor Productions’
MST3K to Best Brains, the X-Men and Excalibur belong to Marvel Entertainment Group.
Il-Kaptan ( Kaptan Brittanniku ) is owned by myself because I made him up.

Galadorian Spaceknights – ROM had faced the Dire Wraiths before, also.