Doctor Who and the X-Men: The Director’s Cut fanfic – Part 6

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Back to part 5

Part 6.

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: [singing] Throw some onions into the mix!

In the meantime, the other X-Men who went to Ellis Island have
returned, with Xavier who has landed once the galactic blockade was removed.

Professor X, Jean Grey, Rogue, Gambit, Psylocke, Bishop, Shadowcat, Beast,
Thunderbird, Nightcrawler, Colossus and the alien woman Cerise
were present in the professor’s Ready Room. The Doctor and his
companions, together with Hindle and the Sliders entered the room and they sat down.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: It’s a Ratliff scene! Run!

Crow: Good idea, Tom!

[Crow bolts out of the theater.]

Mike: Crow! Get back here! Oh, cripes.

Tom: [unsteadily] Mike? I’m feeling a little wooozyyy… [Tom slumps over]

Mike: Oh, geez! [sighs] Come on, Tom.

[Mike picks up Tom and heads out after Crow.]


[SOL Bridge. Servo’s lying on his side, the top of his bubble facing us. Mike is rummaging around beneath his hoverskirt. Crow’s standing off to Mike’s left, next to a tool box. “E-Z Bot Repair” is propped open on the tool box]

Mike: Crow, would you hand me the inkle grommiter?

Crow: Mike, no functional arms, remember?

Mike: [sheepishly] Oh, yeah, right. [He turns to the tool box and pulls out

the grommiter.]

Crow: Mike, what *is* an inkle grommiter?

Mike: [Looking up from his work] I dunno. These repair instructions on the

inside are hard to read. All that back history blew Servo’s power

cells and leaked battery acid *everywhere.* It’s disgusting. [Mike

makes one final turn with the grommiter and sets Tom upright.]

There, that should do it.

Crow: Mike, don’t ever use that phrase when you want something to work.

Mike: Oh, sorry. [Mike makes an adjustment to the control panel on Tom’s

chest] Okay, there we go.

[Tom straightens up and his head turns all the way around]

Tom: [Scottish burr] I can do anything I like! After all, I am Phoenix! [He

hops up and down, his head still turning] Ha ha! It is I, Hemingstein,

the Pumpkin King! [He stops abruptly and sinks down so only his

bubble shows over the desktop] Oh my word! The Krull are bound to

win for sure, Marrissa! #ICanChangeThePast2 too. Quickly, Brigadier! Call MacGyver!
And call Pope Francis!

[Mike, who‘s been watching in silent horror with Crow, leaps into action. He deactivates Tom and steps back, still shocked]

Crow: The hell was *that*?

Mike: [nervous] Heh. Heh. I think I, ah, may have, um, misconnected a few

wires, heh.

Crow: So whaddya gonna do now, huh?

Mike: [visibly distressed] Uh, uh…I know! [Mike gives Tom a great whack on

the back of the bubble]

Tom: [suddenly blaring into consciousness] Now I’m a highly sophisticated

robot, Mike. And I’m telling you this is *not* a sound you should be

hearing… [realizes he’s not where he thought he was] The hell?! What


Crow: [dryly] Ask Wonderboy over here.

Mike: [nervous again] Well, uh, you see, Tom, what happened was uh, well…

[Sirens and lights go off]

Mike: Never mind, Tom! We’ve got Fanfic Sign!

[They all exit running stage right]


[Again, they enter the theater]

Tom: Will you just tell me, already?

Mike: It doesn’t matter, Tom. Ssh, the fic’s starting up again.

Rogue explained to the other X-Men, how as a result of touching a skrull called Z’Cann,
she has been manifesting new random superpowers from people she has accidentally
touched in the past, and that she has lost her southern accent. It might
be permanent or just temporary.

Shadowcat told everyone how Roma’s father, Merlyn, had manipulated the
formation of the recently disbanded superhero team Excalibur. The fight
of the X-Men with the Adversary, in aid of Roma, was very fortuitous.
It happened when Nightcrawler and Shadowcat were both injured and left to
convalesce on Muir Island. Very conveniently for Merlyn, who arranged the
events resulting in the formation of Excalibur.

The Doctor looked at Xavier and asked him whether he could talk to him
for a moment in private. Xavier replied “Well of course you can.” and
left the room with the Doctor.

(Back in the SOL)
Tom: Sheesh, this guy would probably jump off a building if you asked nicely.

“Xavier, is Gambit a telepath?”

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: That’s a rather personal question.

“No he is not. He never was one.” was the Professor’s reply.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: But he might be one tomorrow, it all depends on what the writer feels like.

“Well he is one now.”

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: Told ya.

“I can sense that for certain. So my suspicion is correct.” commented the Doctor.

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: [Doctor] You really can tell it’s not butter!

“He is a telepath, but not in the way you know telepaths. His ability is not mutant in nature. He is also not of your universe, like ourselves!”

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: It’s a result of the Green Gem of Gizmon –

Mike: Copyright, Crow.

Crow: Oh, sorry.

Author: These comments of the Doctor were based upon very subtle hints
dropped in issues of Uncanny X-Men and X-Men of years go. A very clear
resolution of this comment by the Doctor was given in Gambit #24. What
the Doctor gambled on, that he was not of their universe, turned out
to be absolutely correct in the New Sun storyline!

After the Doctor had finished speaking to the Professor, they re-entered
the room.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: [Cyclops] Are we ready? I’ve got an angst session with Alex at four.

The purple-haired Psylocke, some time ago, had solved quite an identity
crisis, managing to reconcile being an English telepath and
an Asian martial arts expert at the same time.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: Hmm, that wasn’t bad. Short and bitter.

Mike: But was it neccessary?

Tom: Of course not.

Author: WAS neCessary!

“Roma was a captive of the Adversary.” the Doctor explained.

“Again? Has he escaped from Forge’s prison?” she asked.

Forge, an American Indian mutant known as the maker, had the unique mutant
ability of creating any tool, machinery or weapon, and had defeated the
Dire Wraith aliens and the Adversary but it had cost the X-Men their lives,
it had seemed at the time. Roma, through some highly advanced alien
technological illusions, had seen that the world thought they had
died when in fact they had moved to the Australian outback where they
could work undercover for a while.

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: It’s the plot for “due South”!

Tom: It’s happening again! [He shakes slightly.]

Mike: [soothing] It’s okay, Tom, it’ll pass.

Author: You three don’t know your Chris Claremont and Alan Davis history.

“I’m afraid so. He has help now, in the form of the Mara.”

“The Mara? We have never heard of this Mara before. Who is he, or what is it?” said

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: Oh, he’s that nice television repairman.

“More precisely, it is a ‘They’, not a ‘He’. But since ‘they’ are one, we
may call them a ‘he’ or ‘it’. The Mara is evil itself which emerged after
a long time ago, an advanced civilisation created special crystals that could
be used to amplify the power of the mind. The Mara emerged from the dark places
of the inner depths of all those people.”

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: What about women?

Crow: Roseanne Barr.

Tom: Good call.

Every Mara carries a snake emblem on its arm.
It is the emblem of a primeval kind of evil.

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: It’s got to be hard to spread evil when you’re wearing the equivalent
of a sign that says “I’m Evil!”

Crow: Sounds like the Mads.

The last time I met the Mara I managed to defeat it with the use of

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: [scientist guy] A really big orchestra!

large mirrors, since the only
thing a Mara fears is itself. I managed to get it to go to a dimension which
was a pocket universe.” explained the Doctor.

“How did it end up here?” asked Bishop.

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: He took the turnpike.

“It did not come *here*. The place were the Mara was imprisoned was the
same place where the Adversary had been trapped by Forge. Now the Mara could

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: And wasn’t that a handy turn of events!

Author: The world’s a small place. The multiverse is too.

not leave its prison. Earlier it used Tegan as a bridge to our universe and

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: Golden Gate, Brooklyn, or Tower?

controlled her mind. This time it found the Adversary, who is helping it. They
escaped because of the Sliding vortex created by the Sliders.”

“What??” said LeBeau, better known as Gambit. “Do you believe dis
stuff dis man says?”

“I am speaking the truth.” replied the Doctor in a stern voice.

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: [Doctor] But I’m dancing with lies.

“Unlike someone we know, who has a habit of telling half-truths, LeBeau.” said Bishop ironically.

“Can anyone of you read my mind to see the truth? I will lower my
telepathic mental barriers to allow you to do this, with my permission.”

“He is truthful” said Xavier. “I can read his thoughts though they are
alien to me and can ascertain he is being honest with us.”

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: Doodley-doodley-doop! Your brain’s been scanned!

“You said he is an alien. Where are you from Doctor?” asked Gambit.

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: Oh, he’s from Gallifrey; it’s in Ireland, donchaknow.

“So many questions from such an untrusting person. Why, I am a Time
Lord, from the planet Gallifrey. Possibly it does not even exist in
your universe.” answered the Doctor.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: That would certainly explain how all these mutants can gad about the

timelines so freely.

Gambit’s eyes flashed and flashed again.

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: [singing] Flash on, flash off, the flasher!

“The Doctor may ruin my plans”, he thought. “He has not recognised me yet. Yet if he does, I
will be forced to reveal myself as being from a parallel world.”

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: [deep voice] I’ve got to stop speaking my thoughts out loud.

“Doctor, mind if I ask, but is the Police Box which we detected earlier your
spacecraft?” Shadowcat asked.

The Doctor turned to Shadowcat, “Yes, I dropped by here, with my TARDIS. Actually I am not from your own universe.”

“Time Lord?” Cable asked. “Yes”, the Doctor replied.

“Do you travel through time”, Cable enquired further. “Yes, I do”, the Doctor confirmed.

“Do you travel by means of some power of yours or do you use machines?” Cable went on to ask.

The Doctor smiled. “Oh I use my TARDIS which is capable of travelling through time and space.”

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: I thought the Doctor didn’t like to talk about his TARDIS.

Author: Well, they asked, they’re friendly, the Doctor replied.

“Quite a strange craft you’ve got Doctor.” said Xavier.
“And a small one too.” said Shadowcat.

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: [British accent] Did you know I’ve suddenly become British, eh? Eh?

Author: She’s lived in London for quite a while, folks, even met Pete Wisdom.

“This smells like a trap by the Neo or even Sinister!” Gambit said.

“Are you crazy? If we wanted to harm you, don’t you think we would have done it
already?” Hindle said angrily. The Doctor remembered when, on Deva Loka, army officer
Hindle went crazy and was going to blow everyone up.

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: [Hindle] I’m crazeeeeeeeeeeee! I’m going to blow everything up!!!!

“Calm down, Hindle. Please excuse him. Gambit’s just doing what he has to do.
Small craft? You haven’t been inside yet, have you? Follow me, please” answered the Doctor.

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: Actually, it’s kind of hard to when the thing’s sitting in an alley on
the other side of town.

“It’s just in the street outside your grounds”, the Doctor added. (Making Mike’s comment look really stupid, but that’s life)

Continued in part 7

All Marks are owned by their owners.

Doctor Who, Hindle, The Mara is the BBC’s

The Sliders are Fox/Universal/St. Clare Entertainment/Sci-Fi Channel’s

Colonel Rickman is Universal Studio/St. Clare Entertainment’s

Red Dwarf characters are Rob Grant/Doug Naylor/Grant Naylor Productions’

MST3K to Best Brains, the X-Men and Excalibur belong to Marvel Entertainment Group.

Il-Kaptan ( Kaptan Brittanniku ) is owned by myself because I made him up.