Doctor Who and the X-Men: The Rewrite of the Original, or The Director’s Cut – Part 5

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Part 5.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: [singing] Stayin’ alive! Stayin’ alive!

Mike: That’s the spirit, Tom!

The familiar wheezing sound of

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: The ’85 Jimmy as it climbed a hill…

the TARDIS could be heard in an alley

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: Cripes! It’s an “Enemy Within” rip-off!

Author: I hadn’t seen “Enemy Within” (the 8th Doctor tv movie) at the time of writing the first edition of this story. “Enemy Within” was released in 1996, I purchased it in 1999! I wrote the original version of this ‘fic in December 1995! You originally misted it in 1996!
It is now December 2013!

in Salem Center, an area where the Xavier Institute is located.

Luckily there were no onlookers when the TARDIS
materialized. Then the Doctor, Tegan and Adric came out of the TARDIS.

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: What happened to Nyssa? Hindle and the Sliders?

“Come on, Adric, let’s get a move on.” said the Doctor.

Hindle, Nyssa and the Sliders get out of the TARDIS. Quinn has left the timer
in the TARDIS, once again.

“Doctor, do you think they will attack us again?” Tegan asked in a
worried tone.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: [breezily] Oh, most likely. Best thing’s just to get on with it.

“Well, this time I don’t know. I just hope they don’t. We haven’t got
along too well, I’m afraid.” he replied.

“Of course getting fired upon is not the best start,” Wade said.

Remmy started singing “I Slide With God”

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: [Remmy] with apologies to Mario Lanza.

the Doctor and his companions walked up to the Mansion gates which were not far away from where the TARDIS had materalised.

Suddenly a man moved up to them and said “you three are muties? If so you

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: [announcer] May have won a new car!

Tom: Since when was the X-mansion situated in downtown Salem Center?

Crow: Since Scirev forgot where it originally was.

Author: Wrong-o. In the X-biographies it states that the Mansion is in Salem Centre, Westchester County, New York.

will be in trouble.” He had a knife in his hand, the Doctor could see it.

The Doctor said “There’s no need to be hostile. We are not ‘muties’,
whatever they are.”

“You’re lying, I can read that in your look. You’re one of those
killer muties!” he shouted.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: I wonder if they’re related to Killer Shrews…

Mike: Or Ninja Turtles?

“Are you crazy? I’m just a stowaway, that’s all!” Adric said.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: And an alien. I’m just a lonely boy.

Crow: And a liar. A boy from nowhere, Tom Jones.

Mike: And an annoying snot. In short, you’re –


“I’ll cut you all up, you mutie kid!” the man jumped at Adric with the
knife, aiming at Adric’s heart.

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: Maybe Scirev’s isn’t such a bad guy after all…

The Doctor managed to deflect the attack, but was caught off-balance.

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: I retract my previous statement.

Tom: Besides, think of what it would have done to continuity, Crow.

Crow: Four words: “Genesis of the Daleks.”

Mike: Check and mate, Tom.

The man punched the Doctor hard. He kicked him and the Doctor fell

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: The ‘Bots’ logic circuits exploded.

Tom: The human’s brain melted.

Crow: The crew of the SOL suffered massive brain hemorrages.

Author: That’s hemorrhages! Don’t you bots ever spellcheck?

He then moved in for the kill.

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: [grizzled sportsman] Yessir, when I want to catch me a Doctor, I use

Doctor-Call Bait, from 3M.

Suddenly an energized card flew from within the Mansion grounds. The
card was aimed at the man’s knife and when they collided, there was a
small explosion. No knife remained.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: Rather like the plot five seconds after the story began.

Author: Perhaps it’s because you don’t shut up to understand what’s going on.
This is an important moment of tension, as in any thriller!

Afraid of what might happen to him, the man ran away.

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: [King Arthur] Run away! Run awaaaaaaaayy!

All: [Knights] Run awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
Author: Run for your life, Rose!

“Are you hurt?” asked Gambit after opening the Mansion doors.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: [Doctor] My ego’s bruised, my arm hurts, and my celery’s split in two. What

do you think?

As a mutant Gambit could energize any object

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: [monotone] He just keeps going and going and going and going…

and hurl it at an opponent. Previously

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: On “XMen History Theater 3000″…

Tom: Oh no, I smell back history.

a professional thief who only used to steal from crooks, he remained quite a man with a mysterious past at times.
The arrival of Bishop had only made things worse at first, since he

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: was very angry and irritated.

erroneously claimed that Gambit was the X-Traitor who would kill eventually
them all. It turned out that it was not Gambit after all. It was Professor X and Magneto’s minds
which had spawned the deadly entity known as Onslaught. Onslaught was the

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: cook
X-Traitor, thus Gambit and Bishop have put aside their differences.

Recently the X-Men have found out that Gambit was involved in the Mutant Massacre
done by the Marauders.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: We have confirmation, Captain! History sighted!

Guilt-ridden he left the team temporarily. At this moment in time, he came
to the mansion just to talk to Rogue. However she was with some of
the X-Men checking out the transmat terminus in Ellis Island, at the time.

“Not really. My name is the Doctor, and these are my companions Tegan,
Nyssa and Adric. This is Hindle, and these are the Sliders: Quinn, Professor
Arturo, Wade and Rembrandt who we call Remmy. What’s your name?”

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: [deep voice] I’m Batman.

“Gambit.” replied the mutant. His eyes seemed to flash.

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: It turns out his eyes were glass; Gambit was a stuffed trophy. Thus

explaining his lack of personality.

The Doctor was uncomfortable for some reason in Gambit’s presence. Something was not
quite right with this Gambit. Had he met this Gambit in his previous

No, he had not. Apparently. He suddenly sensed some telepathic barriers.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: How long has the Doctor been proficient in telepathy?

Mike: A long time, perhaps?

Author: Yes, he has. All gallifreyans possess advanced telepathic capabilities, in fact. You didn’t know this. The Doctor may not be fully telepathic but he can use that part of his brain quite well, thank you.
NEW: Check out the episode THE LODGER to see Eleven use his telepathy with Craig

There was something interesting, even familiar, about this individual. For a moment he

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: [Doctor] I know you! We rode the ducks together at the Dells!

was lost in thought, then he realised that Gambit had a low level of telepathy. Could he have known
him back on Gallifrey?

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: Who thinks the other guy is an old enemy?

Mike: Exactly! He’s thinking he could have been a Time Lord he knew on Gallifrey!

Crow: Mike, you realize, of course, I’m going to have to hurt you for that


Gambit asked puzzled, “Doctor who?”

“Yes, quite, you may call me that way if you like.”

A young woman walked out from the Mansion to the gates to see what had
happened. She looked at the visitors said “Hi, my name’s Shadowcat. Are you
people all right?”

“Yes, we are fine.

(Back in the SOL)

Mike: [Doctor] We were just attacked by some dimensional thingies, then

some street punks. We’re just fine, thanks.

Just tell me one thing, are you the X-Men?” asked the Time Lord.

(Back in the SOL)

Tom: [falsetto] No, we’re the new Charlie’s Angels! Tee-hee!

“Of course we are.” said Shadowcat.

“I have to speak to all you. I have a message for you from Roma.”


(Back in the SOL)


asked Jean Grey, still within the grounds.

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: [falsetto, muffled] Help! Help! Let me out! It’s dark down here!

Shadowcat asked the Doctor. “What has happened to Roma? Is
she all right?” She had last seen her during the Necrom crisis while
she was with Excalibur. She remembered Rachel again – Rachel was still lost to the timestream – and felt sad for a moment. Doctor McCoy, or better Beast, and Jean Grey walked to the gates.

“We’d better talk inside.” said Cable. “We will discuss matters in the ready room.”

(Back in the SOL)

Crow: Room, let’s get ready to rumble!

Continued in part 6

All Marks are owned by their owners.

Doctor Who, Hindle, The Mara is the BBC’s

The Sliders are Fox/Universal/St. Clare Entertainment/Sci-Fi Channel’s

Colonel Rickman is Universal Studio/St. Clare Entertainment’s

Red Dwarf characters are Rob Grant/Doug Naylor/Grant Naylor Productions’

MST3K to Best Brains, the X-Men and Excalibur belong to Marvel Entertainment Group.

Il-Kaptan ( Kaptan Brittanniku ) is owned by myself because I made him up.